How to feel confident and sensual now

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How often do you find yourself feeling so stressed and overwhelmed that the idea of sex or anything of a sensual or pleasurable nature feels like a chore?  And yet, at the same time, you long to feel confident, relaxed and at home in your body?

If you’re nodding yes, you’re not alone.

Many of us are feeling so tapped out, anxious, numb, or frazzled that we’re constantly living in our heads trying to figure out how to “fix things”.

When we’re in this state of arousal (not the good kind),  we completely disconnect from our bodies and thus feel like a dried up version of ourselves instead of the juicy, confident, ‘creatrix of an amazing life’ that we truly are.

We may not immediately understand the connection between stress, a lack of libido, and decreased confidence, but we certainly feel the disconnect when we’re suffering.

When we disconnect from our bodies, due to stress, lack of confidence, etc., we immediately cut off our ability to feel fully alive, confident, and sensual.  We may find that life begins to feel flat and meaningless and we may turn to food, alcohol, or other numbing behaviors in an attempt to find pleasure and joy.  

But what the body loves more than anything else is to be celebrated through ALL of our senses. Not just one, i.e. taste.

Sight, sound, taste, touch, smell— each of these “regular” bodily functions can become pathways to radiance when embraced lovingly and with mindful care.

Our senses can not only help us to be in the NOW– present, grounded and at ease— they can also help us to connect to our confident, sensual, feminine nature, regardless of how we feel about our bodies in the moment.

If you’ve found your sensuality waning, or your confidence lagging, try one of these suggestions to tap back in to the wisdom of your body and connect with your senses:

1. Slow your roll. The pace of the mind is quick and when stress hits, everything around us seems to speed up.  When our thoughts speed up, so does our breath, our heart rate, and our sense of overwhelm.  And when we are relaxed, peaceful, and calm, our physiology and mental state reflect that as well. 

Invitation: Research shows that it is impossible to feel stressed when we breathe deeply and slowly, so start there. Deepen and slow down your breath. Then, slow down your movements.  If you’re picking something up, washing your hands, or moving your hair out of your face, do it s-l-o-w-l-y. Actively and intentionally, bring your pace to an easeful, calm rhythm focusing on one thing at a time.  By purposefully manipulating your pace, you allow yourself the opportunity to shift out of your mental chatter and into the now.

2. Check in with your posture. How are you sitting right now? Are you slumped over your computer, shoulders at your ears, upper back domed over? Or are you hunched, looking at your phone, legs crossed? Is the position of your body expansive, open and energized, or contracted, fatigued and closed off? Good posture allows energy and breath to flow freely through our system opening the pathways of fluidity and flow, whereas poor posture leads to stagnation and stuck energy throughout the body.

Invitation: If you’ve been sitting all day, stand up. Roll your shoulders down your back, puff up your chest, relax your neck and jaw, take a few deep breaths and feel the energy in your feet. Breathe deeply and fully, imagining your breath flowing from the tips of your toes out the top of your head and back again.  Notice the difference in how your body feels now.

3Scan your senses. Becoming aware of what you experience in each of your senses has the ability to slow down your experience of time while also bringing you into your body and the present moment with ease.

Invitation: Literally work through a mental check of what’s happening within each of your senses.  What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel, smell, and taste? Mentally note the sensations as you track them and spend a bit of time in observation with each. Be curious and playful as you explore what’s happening in your body, in the now.

4Expand your bathing & beauty rituals. Prioritizing activities that make you feel physically nourished and beautiful is a priceless pursuit. When we treat ourselves as we would a loved one, it shows. We can both feel taken care of and see the results in external (beauty) benefits. Finding small, loving actions to regularly practice each and every day that are just for us and no one else, can help to remind us of our innate worth and that we deserve our own love and attention as much as anyone else.

Invitation: Upgrade your current beauty routine by adding in something you’ve been wanting to try.  Splurge on a pricier organic skin product.  Make a food-based facial mask using organic ingredients. Mist hydrating Rose Water on your skin throughout the day.  Choose something simple that feels easy (and fun) to commit to.

A current favorite beauty product: Tenoverten The Rose Oil

5. Commit to daily pleasure. Making pleasure a part of your everyday life is paramount to feeling confident & sensual in your skin.  Pleasure, a necessary nutrient for vitality, can be anything that brings you joy, not just in bed.  Buy fresh flowers for yourself, diffuse an essential oil you love, make your favorite meal, spend the afternoon in a park reading your favorite book.  Increasing your pleasure quotient will do wonders for your sense of balance and calm.

Invitation: Commit to doing one thing each day that brings you joy and pleasure. And if you’re looking to amp up your pleasure in the bedroom, one of my besties, Kit, is currently running her annual 3-week pleasure based challenge, The Pleasure Pledge.  Click here to check it out.

Lastly, I’d love to hear from you.  What are your go to tools for feeling confident in your body? Is there something you practice regularly that helps to expand your experience of the sensual? Leave a comment below and share with us how you’re staying connected to your body this week.

With love,


P.s. If you want to EXPERIENCE being guided back to your sensuality in person, then please JOIN ME for my next Embody class in Charleston, SC on February 24. Click here to learn more. 

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