"Always be willing to take full responsibility for the consequences of your actions, whether you decide to follow someone else’s advice or the voice of your own heart ."
-Javier Reguiero
How many times have you let your internal guidance be swayed by the opinions or actions of another?
Recently, I bypassed my inner knowing to support a friend, even though I knew from the beginning it wasn't aligned.
I love this person deeply and wanted to help, but as the situation unfolded- with a lot of confusion, frustration, and anger on my part- my intuition was confirmed over and over again...
Supporting anyone in this way, much less a friend, was depleting my life force not adding to it, and I was paying the price.
With age hopefully comes wisdom, but (and also) the best teachers note that life can and will provide us with scenarios to test this intelligence, despite our best intentions.
I've witnessed this time and again in my client's lives as well-
As much as we try to avoid scenarios that could potentially lead us astray, our human experience is designed to help us grow. Fortunately/unfortunately, the best lessons often come through challenge, disconnection from self, and pain.
The business partner with multiple excuses for why the accounting was off...
The romantic interest you knew was hiding something...
The friend who constantly downplayed your achievements & judged your dreams...
The job that paid well but meant compromising your deepest values...
How we navigate the aftermath of such scenarios is where the magic lies.
Instead of pointing blame or playing the victim, we are invited to truly learn from our experiences. We are invited to acknowledge the depth of our emotional response, feel it fully, and make amends within, practicing forgiveness primarily and most importantly with ourselves.
Emotions rarely respond to rationality and attempting to think our way out of our anger, sadness, frustration, or sense of betrayal doesn't typically work. Instead, it keeps our emotions and the wounds associated, festering inside of us.
Once we have tended to our sense of self-betrayal, masquerading as blame or victimhood, we can strengthen our boundaries, communicate our misgivings in healthy ways where appropriate, and course correct as needed, but with our tender hearts and psyches fully cared for first.
If you're navigating something like this right now and are having a hard time moving forward, I offer you the following questions to explore what lies beneath any pain or discomfort with a compassionate and self-loving frame.
+ What was the motivation or potential payoff for abandoning yourself?
+ What did you think you might receive by bypassing your inner knowing? How did you assume you would benefit? (Dig deeper than your surface mind here.)
+ What are you learning through this experience and how can you allow room for forgiveness & acceptance within yourself?
Let me know how this lands for you. And however you're feeling right now, I hope you know you're doing great.
All my love,
Stephanie